dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
