Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
