Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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