Already got asked if we're dating
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
