Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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