my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
