I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
