She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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