i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
