you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
