Nicole vs. Life
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize