Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
