i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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