Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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