And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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