where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
