yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
