I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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