In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
