I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
