Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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