Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
