The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
