he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
