something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dick very happy bro
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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