After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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