when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
