i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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