She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
