Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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