she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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