Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
