Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
