Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
