he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize