Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize