No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
