You're my little dorito
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize