i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
