Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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