so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
