Best friends brother. Beat that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
