I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I did not marry a roomba.
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