ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
