Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
