Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
