whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
