Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
