dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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