his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
