I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
