i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she smelled like a LAN party
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dignity is for republicans.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize