I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
