His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
