so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
