Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
