i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
