Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize