Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
