just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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