Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
