I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
