so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
