Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize