so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
