somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
