mondays should just be called national damage control day
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
