I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
