I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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