the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
