New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
