How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
