I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
