Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
