People in love make me want to vomit
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
