Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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