Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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