he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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