so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
