This is the prime rib incident all over again
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am available for nakedness
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