my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
