When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
