apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
