new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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