you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
