I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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